Aromatic Wisdom Podcast Episode 50 Transcript

Hello, friends!  Welcome to the podcast! If this is your first time listening, thank you so much for giving the podcast a try - I do hope you enjoy it and come back. And if you’re returning and you’re one of my wonderful loyal listeners, thank you so much for being here and making the podcast what it is today.  

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Okay, let’s talk about today’s topic - little kids and nighttime fears. 

It is very normal for kids to be afraid at night, especially between the ages of 3 and 8 when the imaginations are really starting to flourish.  But an active imagination can be a good thing, and an overactive imagination can sometimes be a detriment. So in that time frame  - between the ages of 3 and 8 - a lot of children will experience fear of the dark, they may have general bedtime anxiety, they are afraid of being away from you in their bedroom they are afraid there could be something hiding in the closet. 

And the caretaker of the child - parent, grandparent, guardian, auntie, babysitter - whoever is helping the child get back to sleep has a real opportunity to offer reassurance and nurturing and  support through the tools I’m going to talk about and can affect the child’s ability to fall asleep, in a very positive way. And, hopefully, stay asleep throughout the night. That’s the goal let them sleep all night so Mom and Dad can rest. 

I have two adult sons and a teenage grandson Bean who is now 14, and at some point in their lives I’ve had to comfort all three of these young men.   One of the benefits of being older is the wisdom of experience so today I’m going to share how I helped my own kids cope and overcome their nighttime fears. I’m going to share some ideas that are aromatic - that involve aromatherapy and I’m going to share some ideas that are not aromatic, but are good ideas that you might want to implement into the child’s nighttime routine.

1. Identify the Child's Fear 

The first step is to identify the fear. Encourage your child to specify what exactly they are afraid of. This may be hard for really little ones who aren’t very articulate yet, but if you are patient and calm and they know you’re really listening, they can usually identify what is making them feel afraid.   Identifying and calling out a fear is the first step to taming it.

I, personally, have struggled with anxiety my whole life. I’ve been very transparent about that; I don’t think there’s any shame in it, it’s simply the way I’m wired. One of the best coping that I’ve learned in Cognitive Behavior Therapy which has been very powerful for me,  is to simply name it…  When I start to get the feeling of anxiety, I just call it out.   ”I’m feeling anxiety.  "Oh, Hello anxiety.  Thank you for trying to keep me safe, but I’m in no danger so you can go back to my primitive brain now, thank you.”  It’s remarkable how uncovering the fear and shedding light on it, helps to dissolve it.  So if you can get your child to name what they are afraid of that’s a great step in getting over it.  

Try to ask open-ended questions that will encourage them to talk about what they are scared of.. Obviously, never make fun or laugh even if it seems absurd - like being afraid of their shoes or something.  The fear is very real to your child. 

2. Make a Protection Spray with the Child

I did a whole blog post on a spray with a recipe which I’ll talk about in a second.  Kids like tools. We all like tools, We like to have things that we can use to help us empower ourselves.  So have it be a project that you do with the child that you do together and they can keep next to their bed when they feel scared, that’s a wonderful gift to give them.

Now, I want to say something about what it is called.  Some of you will want to make a Monster Spray which is what I used to do.  But when you know better, you do better.  I used to believe that I was showing respect to my child by acknowledging that there was something they were afraid of, so I would say something like, “Well I know for a fact that scary nighttime creatures hate lavender, so let’s make a monster spray with lavender because they hate that..”  If you google “monster spray” you’ll come up with pages and pages of recipes. AND, I even wrote a Monster Spray blog post in 2013 that I recently updated to call it a “Protection Spray”  I mean, I see the fear as the monster, so let’s destroy it. 

Well, child experts are now discouraging Monster Spray.   

 According to Allison Egidi, a certified pediatric sleep consultant, the problem with monster spray is that the whole concept validates the terrifying idea that monsters could actually be in your child’s room. If you’re talking to your child about using monster spray, that’s sending the message that monsters do exist and you need this spray to keep them away. Even if you’re telling your child that monsters aren’t real, you’re putting that into question by using monster spray. They have zero reason to believe that monsters aren’t real because… well, you’re spraying for monsters.

Personally, I think it depends on the child and your comfort level with telling this story.   So an alternative more positive approach could be to make a protection spray or a fear-no-more spray or call it something like "

 Let child pick out a "magical" spray bottle. Fill the bottle with lavender or geranium hydrosol.  I suggest those two because they are pretty aromatic, whereas some hydrosols are very light.  Shake well. Spray in corners, under beds, in closets, etc. Child may chant "monsters, monsters, stay away" or any other powerful words. Shake before each use to make the magic strong. This can delay bedtime rather than provide comfort.

3. Make a Calming Nasal Inhaler with the Child

The concept with the nasal inhaler is similar to the spray in that the child has a self-empowering tool, but this one has a little more aromatic power - using essential oils that are high in chemical components that soothe and relax the central nervous system.  Let them make the  nasal inhaler.  My friend has a daughter named Haden.  Haden is a highly sensitive child with a wonderfully active mind.  When Haden was about 8 or 9 she had a trouble sleeping.  I invited Haden and her Mom to my house and had prepared a table with 3 different colored nasal inhalers to give her choices of color and 3 different essential oils, again to give her some aromatic choices.  Not more than 2 or 3 because they will get overwhelmed or confused. Again, have them give it a name, Sonia’s Sleepy Inhaler or Danny’s Deep Sleep Blend.  Alliteration is such fun!

4. Rearrange the Child's Bedroom

Make the child's bedroom a sacred space. (refer to my episode on using essential oils to create a sacred space)  Are there particular spots of the room that seem to be darker or cause more fear at night than others? My grandson had a dark corner in his room that made him nervous.  I shared that with him mother and together they rearranged his bedroom to put more light in that corner.  Go into the bedroom during the day with your child and talk about the spots that make your child nervous. Try moving night lights and furniture around for a more calming room arrangement.  Add flowers or a diffuser that can double as a night light.

....more coming (I really need an assistant 😬)